Dreams

Recently I realized that we all dream and we all have dreams which we wish to achieve. For me I always remember having the dream of having a stable job, I have moved out and I travel with my loving boyfriend or live a comfortable life in a loft near the city. Yes this is a pretty strange dream for a little girl to have but it was my dream because it was what my sisters had and they always looked happy to me. But life goes on and dreams change but for me I still have a similar dream and mainly its to be happy, but right now I wouldn't say I am happy at all. Stress of things get to my head to much that I turn it off a just basically rebel against everything. But when I close my eyes and block out the noise around me I am dreaming again, into a world which I wish for and so desperately want. In a drama I have watched recently the main male character is dreaming a happy dream, one which he desperately wants but knows he cannot ever get, when he wakes from the dream he says "Now I know I can never dream a happy dream again". Nowadays I connect my life to those words, because I know I am not moving towards my goal now. I dream and dream about it but right now its an all a dream and that's all, I can do nothing to change it because I don't have that confidence in myself. I used to have an inspiration kind of or a motivation but now I feel just drained, yes I want to enjoy my life and this year cause its the last but right now I feel like I'm floating in space. School starts soon and honestly I hate it! I used to look forward to school but right now I just want it to be all over!!! I don't want to face anyone or those people, this holidays I have created a nice safeguard against all of that but since the time to start again is gathering near I just want to hide away. I honestly think leaving school would be the best thing for me right now cause I'm too lost there to concentrate. I am not sure how I am going to handle the rest of this year but the start of it isn't too great, only great thing was the brief holiday with my family. But I think this year in class I am going to isolate myself and try to get less distracted now but really I am so so so over it! and its just painful to think about!