One's self

Hey guys so I just wanted to give you a update before I continue with todays post topic. Well I have been having a really good year so far, I am no longer a sour puss, and haven't had many break outs of anger anymore. When I do its usually about dramas, I have been spending way more time with my family, I haven't seen any friends from school which I am actually happy about because when I do see them I feel insecure and weird I dunno but I only feel comfortable with my family nowadays and also Jessica cause she's also family. And my very last piece of special news is that I got a laptop which gives me a bit more freedom and easier for me to do work and stuff :) Back to my title topic "One's self" this is actually a post which I have been meaning to do for a while, its something I have learnt from 2013 and I want to share it with everyone, meaning all my faithful readers. "One's self" actually refers to ones inner insecurities, this is mainly aimed at young girls/women who have lost their way and need some advice I guess to move forward in life confidently. Back in 2013 I used to care a lot about what others thought and said about me, I used to be negative and just a plain bring a mood downer. But in the last month of 2013 I learnt way more than I did in the whole year, now I'm not saying I didn't learn much in the year but I simply didn't listen to everyone and take in their advice. But in the last month I had a wake up call, I thought about my life and its pretty great because I am surrounded by all these wonderful people who believe, love and support me. I know many of you don't have the life I have but there is always hope, I bet most of you have a hard life but in that hard life I want you to look around and find something, something that gives you hope, may it be realizing how amazing you are! how you have so many loved ones surrounding you who are just trying to protect you or even friends who support you and believe in you. Anything can be your sense of hope, even a dog and I'm serious. The main reason I have chosen to be confident and move forward in life would be because I don't want to lose hope and become some depressed, lonely girl who feels sorry for herself. Many of you may read this and be like wow this girl doesn't know what she is talking about and my life is way worse, what hope do I have to hold on to! But you all do, you just have to find it. I'll tell you all, the reason I got my wake up call. My cousin which I will name Nana, got back with her ex-boyfriend, got a bad HSC mark and started to disrespect her family which have always been there and supported her. The main issue is when she got back with her ex, now many of you would be like nah that's not that bad but it affects everything. You see when Nana got together with this guy, he was sweet and nice and respected her and her family. but after a while he came to disrespect her family and show his true form. He argued with her family, acted as a dick and just became damn disrespectful. She was a girl who was all about family, and he had slowly changed to become disrespectful too. But she woke up from this nightmare and broke it off, he had called her day and night trying to speak to her and get her back but her younger sister had been there to help her, to stop her from not taking her call. The younger sister decided to go out one time and live her life, before she leaves she tells Nana to not answer the phone. The younger sister comes back and the Nana says 'Oh so I answered the phone'. Now you see the younger sister had always been there for her and always told her that this guy was a bad guy and that he was changing her, but instead of listening to her younger sister who was always there for her she acted on her own accord and decided to take the first step to ruining her life. Now at this stage Nana was doing her HSC and she really didn't need any distractions but she had chosen to pick up the phone and cause one to happen. The whole time she was doing her HSC she had been speaking to him, night in and night out when she should really be studying. She even had a good deal of getting into UNI but she had lost that in the end too. Her Mum had heard her speaking to someone in her room every night and knew she wasn't speaking to her sister cause she was outside. Her Mum didn't want to stir up any drama because Nana was doing her HSC but she knew something wasn't right. Jump past a few weeks and its time for her HSC results to come out. When they came she just laughed, her sister couldn't even look at her anymore, her sister had lost all respect for her. You see her sister knew the whole time who she had been speaking to and everything but this had gone way to far because she let this distraction of a boy to get in the way of her studies when she said she would study hard. Her mother yelled at her and told her how can you be so stupid to let this boy get in the way and not study! and her mother stopped speaking to her. Her father yelled at her telling her how can you let that rat back into your life, how can you be so weak! When you break up that's meant to be it but you couldn't even hold off speaking to him for a month! How can you be so stupid to not learn from your mistakes and instead make the same mistake twice! and her father stopped speaking to her too, he just told her to deal with her own mistakes and that he is never a loud in the house ever again! Now life went on and she continued to disrespect her family, and she decided to not care. Everyone she ever loved lost respect for her and treated the way she was acting like a 5 year old. She said she was 18 now, why do you treat me like I'm 5, to her parents and they simply said cause your acting like one. She tells people he has changed and he is different but we don't believe her because if he really had then she wouldn't disrespect and treat her parents this way. Now I had learnt this all from my time at my cousins and seen and heard everything but when I spoke to her she seemed the same but something still felt different. From those few days with them I learnt to respect myself and respect those around me because they love me and care for me ever since I was born. But I mostly learnt to have respect for myself because if you have respect and love yourself then you are ready to let others into your life and know that they wont try to change you or deceive you. But I hadn't realized this yet, I hadn't actually put my thoughts into motion and woken up fully. The New Year came and on that first day was when I got the most devastating and shocking news. Nana had left home to live with this dick. On the day of NYE she came home and said I am leaving and you can't stop me to her mother. Her mother and her father and her siblings had nothing to say, they were waiting for this to happen and ready for her to leave because they had had enough hurt and cried enough tears over the situation, so if she wanted to live with this dick and not listen to those around her then then she should go. Her mother gave her rubbish bags to pack her things in, her grandma cried on the floor begging her to not go, her grandpa who is sick told her to leave and never come back and that she wasn't invited to his funeral. Through all this she didn't cry or care and she left out the door, she didn't even say good bye she just left. Her blood, her own blood and family, and people who raised her she didn't even give them a second look, she just left. Her grandpa told her younger siblings that she is never a loud at his funeral and that she gets nothing and she wasn't even a part of the family any more. I heard this news from her younger sister who cried telling me this, her and her brother had taken the biggest fall because when everyone asked where their older sister Nana was, they couldn't say anything but make excuses because of the embarrassment Nana had left behind. The reason Nana had left was because she didn't have enough respect for herself and those around her. Because she thought only herself and him were the only ones in the world, so she moved in with him but she is 18 and hasn't ever had a job and she thinks she will last with him, no money, no job, no more friends. All everyone can do now in her family is wonder, she could be pregnant, he may have hit her anything could have happened but no one actually knows. From now on its her job to pull herself out of this mess and learn to respect herself and love herself fast before something bad happens. You see everyone, you may think you have it bad but Nana has just lost her family, her future, respect from others and the only people who loved and supported her in her life for some boy. But there is always a way to find hope and get back out there and amend your mistakes, but only you can do that. If Nana decided to come back to her family, it would be hard to gain their respect back but they would take her back no matter what cause she is still family! If you think you suck and you hate your life, think of how Nana must feel now, all she has is a dick of a boyfriend who might even hurt her and no a cent to her name. Don't settle for someone lesser than yourself, and don't just let anyone into your life because if you love yourself enough and respect yourself enough you can stand on your own two feet and be independent. No women or man needs someone else in their life telling them what to do, because we should be able to do that ourselves. Its your decision to do what you want with your life not anyone else's, now I'm not telling you what do to with your life I'm letting you know what I have learnt to become this independent, strong women who can stand on her own. My goal in life isn't to be a doctor, or to impress others, and be something I'm not because my goal to be myself and live comfortably and to be happy. Hope this helps, anyone really. Love you all and I'm out :)