I'm lost...

Who do I want to be? This question is hard because no matter how hard I think I just can't seem to figure it out. Everyone tells me to be myself and be who I want to be but I'm not exactly sure. But giving it some thought I realise who I want to be: I want to be the type of girl who knows what she wants and will strive to get it. To the most important people to her, they know that they can count on her. A girl who has mistakes and learns from them. A girl who can easily forgive all. I want to be the type of girl who can be happy with who she is. To feel like she isn't a burden and enjoy her life. To know that she has a connection with those who mean the most to her. For them to know who she really is. Someone who can take risks when needed I want to be the girl who has courage and can believe in herself when needed. I want to be the girl who is happy with who she is and… She knows that she doesn’t need anyone to lean on to be herself. I'm not any of this right now, at all! I really want to be but I'm too confused and lost as to who I want to be. Being me isn't something I would call easy, it is actually very hard. I know I haven't made enough mistakes and enough issues to know who I am. To be honest I don’t like to go out and try new things, I'm not that girl because I'm too scared of what others think and of what I think of myself. To me I am a worthless piece of shit who sometimes has occasional times where she feels at ease. I honestly don’t know how people deal with me and how they choose to deal with me. Others have real problems in their lives and I whine about mine. To be totally honest I know that I have been lost and that I'm not sure what I want to be or who I want to be but to be who I want to be I need to shatter my need for acceptance from others and just live my life. Instead I have avoided my problems and pushed them away because it’s the easiest thing for me to handle. Sometimes I try hard and realise who I am but its all an act for me to hypnotise myself, telling myself I know what I am doing but I don’t and over and over again I disappoint myself.