Everytime I take a step forward I am always moved two steps back..

The truth is Valentines Day is coming up slowly and slowly. And so yeah at my school we ask people around the school if they want to buy roses and year 12 organize it and since I'm in year 12 this year I helped out. I went around with my friends asking people if they wanted to buy me roses. This was like 2 days ago, and before class I was walking with Jessica and she asked me if I wanted a rose and I was like 'nah I'm alright', but when I said this it was true that I didn't really want one or need it but I guess I was kind of hoping... I didn't want a rose from anyone really and I wasn't expecting one from anyone but now I realize that I actually really wanted one from Nikola. He asked me today to buy a rose because he was selling them and it made my heart jump but what I was thinking was couldn't you buy me one instead. and I was nearly going to say something but I held it in. But throughout the events of the day I realized he truly has no interest in me and that I read into things too much. For once I wanted my dream to come true. Lately I have been feeling happy especially when I'm at school but when I came home it kind of felt like all my energy degenerated and I just feel kind of down. Usually not for the whole night but I have a stage in the night where I think and think and think. What's really been on my mind lately is my weight and the way I look, I don't know why but I feel so insecure about myself, I know I shouldn't but for some reason I am. My school swimming carnival is coming up and I just feel like I want to stay at home and not go. I need to move on with my life and just get rid of all these issues that I have written. I need to say goodbye to Nikola, my insecurities and just move towards the bigger picture... but these things take time and not sure if I want to keep waiting for my to move forward..