Lately ive realised how dramatic i can be and how crazy i can get. I also realised how much i overthink a situation! Today i have been thinking of my past and how care free i used to be. I used to think i wasnt very care free but now that i look back i can see that i honestly give a shit about what my actions were or what i say and just did it! But now i overthink everything!! I need to take a chill pill!!
Few days ago i had a fight with my friend Gina and mostly cause i got pissed off easily but because i had so much to say to her!! I have so many friends but i have become so aware and afraid of my actions and reactions of others that i have lost the ability to enjoy my life without being paranoid all the time! By the end of this week i wanna be able to speak freely and become more of myself! I need to stop being shy and think like the independent girl i am!! Being loud, happy and free like i used to be! Showing people how much fun i can be and not just follow around like a lost puppy!! I want to be able to be myself!
Truth is my ex bestfriend Taiesha's Birthday is coming up and i wanted to make a video card for her like i did for Sandy! But im really nervous because i have lost her friendship and be have lost touch and basically fallen apart! I have no idea what to say to her. I have so much i want to say but im just too chicken to step up and say it! All we both really have in common now is our memories of the past! I miss them alot but in reality the reason we both went our own ways is because we have both become different people and taken seperate paths.
I dont know what to think or do with my life right now! I said i need to go back to the old me by the end of this week but i feel like i cant go back. Like instead of moving forward with my life, im just moving back. I am not sure how to act anymore but i need some time to myself to figure that out! Hopefully by the beginning of next week i will have some kind of plan :)
This week is my second workplacement week of the year and this time im doing it with Sandy :) hopefully i will be able to meet some nice, new people :)
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