Letting it all out

Today i let out all my feelings way to much and just exploded to my sisters! I told them everything cause i just couldnt deal with them ridiculing me. I had the worst morning and i just taken a bite out of and it honestly really hurt me! So i wrote this long as message to one of my sisters and let it all out! I couldnt deal with them at school so i wrote it when i got home and sent it cause i knew when i would write it i would cry! There are some spelling mistakes and i am sorry for that i was mad and i still am and i was sad and etc.

Look i am honestly sick of hearing that because you guys dont actually know how i feel and what i do in my life! You told me that your the "sister" to go to and speak to but honestly i never speak to you and i know why cause you just had a baby and i understand that! But even though i am extremely happy to be an aunty i want to have "Real" sisters! One which i can talk about my day to ones who i can speak my mind and not get judged on what i say or saying im being stupid just cause you dont understand cause of the generation gap!! The only person in our family i have ever spoken to honestly is Ocean! And i miss her cause of that because i am freaking hell out about the future and my atar and hsc and all these big decisions on changing subjects and it will all come down to one bloody test making up my entire future and i cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about all of this! And you think i can always talk to family, well i cant! I try speak to mum and shes always on her ipad and doesnt understand what im saying, gigi doesnt care and doesnt listen and just pushes me to do hw and study just cause she never ever went out and had fun and want a life and she liked studying!!! And dad well doesnt understand takes things the wrong way and you and fiona dont live here! And you and fiona have your own lives to deal with and theres we adopted child who cames out of no where 16 years later! I come home everyday and lock myself in my room cause i dont want to get into anyones way and i smile and i act sweet, funny  and just plain happy looking but im not! I hide so much in my life that when i have a bad day everything comes out and everyone thinks there is something wrong with me. This is why i dont speak to any of you! when i do you speak to me as a child and give me your opinion on school and how i should do things when i just wanted your support and maybe a hug here and there. We come from different generations which is why i cant talk to you and all you guys telling me how you wished you tried in school is not helping its like i have to live your lives for you and i aint gonna do that! But honestly dont think i am a smiley happy and doing well little sister cause im not and i never will be with sisters like you guys! I just always wanted someone i could talk to and count on someone my age who can give me an opinion without a lecture. But i know, i really know i am not meant to be here and i came into your lives so suddenly and dont fit in with you guys but i didnt ask for this and i would never wish this for anyone! So this is why i dont talk to you guys and heres my life story and now you know that i am not ok all the time and i am not melodramatic cause you guys dont remember the pressure of school and how much things have changed!

All of this is true and its the message of how i really felt! Nothing they say could ever make me feel better and nothing could make me ever actually truely feel apart of this family!