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life is so confusing, one minute happiest person on the Earth, next minute sad, depressed or just confused. This line is accurate to how i have been feeling lately. When i go out and have fun i am happy, but when i come home and think back on my day i aint so happy, i wouldnt say depressed or sad, i would just say lost.

Lately i feel very lost as to who i am and what to make of myself. Right now and probably tomorrow i will feel the same. But tomorrow i am going out with an old friend whom i can always rely on, Han and she was always there to listen and talk to and gave me good advice. The reason i am so excited to see her is that she moved schools and havent spoken to her much but now i get to tomorrow which makes me so excited and happy.

Tomorrow i am going to talk to her about everything! Even the boy, because the only person who knows about this guy is Jiji. I know i can trust Han, i always have, she is also like Jiji but a much more older and mature friend. With Jiji she is like my sister around my age but Han is like my older friend whom i get advice and good talk with. Not that Jiji doesnt give good advice but even though Jiji knows me, Han has known me longer.

Today i went out with my friend and we had lots of fun! We went to a fancy restaurant and then to the aquarium but i felt like something was missing from the whole day. The day seemed to go so fast and i seemed to be running behind. Right now i just wanna be happy and know my purpose, know why things are he way they are. Sometimes i feel like i need to change myself to fit the situation but i know thats not the real me. I feel so lost lately i seem to be doing that and i feel so icky. I feel like crying tonight but doing that would make me feel worse, so i just sit here playing on my phone, looking up at the ceiling falling into my thoughts or either to sleep. Wish i knew what i was meant to be and actually have fun and be happy.

My life is so confusing rn it sucks!! I just want to live but i cant seem to. I used to think this is how things would happen in high school; fall in love, boy actually likes me, smart, be good at sports, and just be plain popular. But high school is so different from how i would imagined and none of that has happened yet!

Hopefully tomorrow is good and fun!! :) just want a bit of restrospective!