So this post is gonna be about a specific someone! Based on the boy who i have been getting headaches over.

So last night was my social night and i had so much fun! I got to dance and prance and go crazy :) but i also had fun cause i spoke to the guy whom i have a crush on, i think and talking to him was like old times and it was sweet and nice! This was after social ended and we were going home (we as in me and my friend Jiji) on the train ride he was normal but everyone was discussing that they knew where people lived. And the only girls were me and Jiji, we were just listening to them talk and my friend Jiji was like to him, i know where you live cause i showed her LOL (not a stalker! We live in the same neighbourhood) He looked at her and "no you dont" but she did so she argued back :)

And then he turned to me and said i know where Chichi lives and i smiled slightly. Then all the boys were teasing me, as per usual and said i lived in the forest, in a tree house (cause im tall and my nickname is tree LOL) But then he said "Why do you guys call her tree she isnt even that tall, Im taller" and hearing him say that made me smile, but he did this looking at his phone the whole time. Then the guys said, stand up then and prove it and he stood up and we compared height. Turns out he is taller than me which made me smile :) he grew taller than me! The rest of the night the guys left one by one and it was me Jiji and couple of other guys whom i hang with and we are good friends with cause they live in my neighbourhood. We talked and laughed and me and him talked like old times which was nice!

But my friend explained something to me the night before that she thought me and him were gonna date before but we didnt. At that stage i liked another guy and didnt really realise what i was doing.  I used to walk with him after school cause he walked alone and i guess it seemed like we were flirting but i wasnt! Back then i didnt realise but i still had a weird feeling about him :/ One time we were walking and talking and i stole his hat and he was trying to get it back and i guess it looked cute from my friends perspective LOL

But right now i keep overthinking situations and thinking about him more and more and i really dont eant to! I dont want to fall to hard for him cause i know of the things he does. But i cant help thinking of what he is doing and wanting to see him :( I really dont want to feel this way about him but I dont know what to do! He makes me wanna cry about my feelings! Its so stupid that i act this way! I want to know how he thinks of me and if he has ever had feelings for me but i cant cause i have been hurt too much in the past and its always me who tries and gets hurt! The only person who knows about my little crush or like or watever is Jiji! And having a crush on him seems to be turning in a like a very big like :(

Reading all this over again, i sound crazy and way too desperate but i cant help it all around me is couples and i want what they have so badly! I have never had a boyfriend and never had my first kiss, even though i am only 16 i feel alone and afraid! I just want someone who will listen to me, understand me and help me through my way in life! I want him to cuddle me when i am down, kiss me and tell me i will be great and huge from behind and say sweet things to me :( I feel so stupid writing this but this will help me and i said i would be honest on this blog and i am!