Second Post

Hello again, todays my second post and as you can probably see i still dont know how to really start it. Well to start off, today I woke up thinking i would have a good day but things kept changing.

First bad thing today would be my best friend telling me she cant go camp which probably seems stupid cause its just camp. But without her there im not sure i would survive, i am socially awkward and i dont have many "good/close" friends. Next problem would be the boy, the problem is i have half of my classes with him and he is always mentioned in class, or makes himself mentioned. So i would say he is a distraction for me i guess, which is stupid and crazy!

Next good thing that happened would be lunch, instead of hanging with my usual friends who were studying in the library, i was out with some other friends enjoying the sun, walking around and talking. This was definitely fun and talking to all different people and socialising a bit, and i went back to see my usual friends before the bell for a little chat, which was good.

Next bad thing that happened or good im still not quite sure of. English, first thing wrong was the boy again; rosie cheeks, sweaty and goes out of the room to take singlet off and wear shirt (distraction!) his blue eyes shimmering, smiling and i never seem to forget his laugh. He is such a distraction and the thing is, i dont like him but i keep noticing this little things, its terrible!

I know why i notice him though but that can come later. English was also bad because we were startinf off our essay writing and i showed people to check my work but they always gave me feed back as to what i should change and not in so many words how general/standard and dumb it sounded. I already felt dumb when i had to show my teacher who basically said it was really bad! I felt so hurt hearing all these comments making my self-esteem really low.

Next period i had biology and lucky in that class my friends were making me laugh which made me feel heaps better. Next would be getting home, thinking about only all the bad things that happened i did nothing and just lay on my bed thinking. I decided that tonight i needed a me night or a break night before i had to study full-throttle.

I kept thinking of my teachers comments and why i am so dumb bringing my self-esteem to a new level of low. Thinking of the boy and how i can never have a chance with him and why he would even consider me. I know the reason i think about him though, i want a relationship or to know some boy has feelings for me. It may sound sad but when your single and most of the people you know have boyfriends and are happy makes me think why cant i be happy?!

To finish off my break night i watched the movie "One Day" and its a really good romance movie! This movie is so sad and happy, it makes me think of what i want, and thats someone to cuddle with at night, someone to tell me all the good things about myself and make me feel flattered cause i know they love me, i want a boyfriend in general, having someone to talk to and actually listening to me. But i have always wanted that couple experience cause i know you can learn a lot from having experienced having a boy friend.

The thing i would really like to experience is cuddles. I dont care about fighting with your boyfriend cause it comes with the guy. I want all the little cute things and the bad things. I want to have my first kiss with that one perfect guy but ive been told is very rare to happen. So maybe ill get my first kiss at 30, magbe.

Today was a hectic day with so mucb going on but at the end of the night i had a great break night!! And plenty of time to recharge and think :)