Hello… as people can see this is my first post on my blog. To tell you why i created a blog would proabably be the fact i need somewhere to spill out my inner thoughts, you could say. But i also made this blog to let people see my insight on life and how i see things. 

To tell you more about myself, im only 16 and i still attend school, so even though i may be young it gives you an insight on a teenage girls life. Im not too sure if I'm the average teenage girl but I am hoping i am. Now at the moment my life is a bit hectic, i am getting ready for my last year of high school and I am so scared and i freak out a lot! But like any other teenager I have other problems like I have three older sisters, I would say i have terrible social skills and the big one… BOYS haha 

My biggest issue at the moment would be the exams coming up, I have this issue of procastinating and i do it a lot!! I try my best to study but i have this weird feeling i will fail! But many of the people in the year above me tell me to chill out cause this year is such a bludge and we should relax while we can! This advice left me at a cross roads, I feel like i wanna chill out but my friends study all the time and all we talk about is school.

Right now I am very socially awkward and talking to my friends is hard! But i have that one girlfriend who i can speak to and I love her to bits for that but I have so much going on in my head that i dont want to bombard her life with cause she has her problems too. Even though she is like my best friend we dont hang out with each other all the time we actually hang out with each other out of school cause we both have seperate groups of friends and thats ok cause then we always have stuff to talk about. I used to have another bestie but she and I but we drifted apart, it seriously makes me sad, i dont even know how it happened. But with that bestie i talked to her everyday hung out with her and told her everything about my day and all my problems so i kinda understand why we arent besties anymore haha 

One of my other problems is my sisters, I have three older sisters who are in their thirties and two are married and the oldest single. My two sisters who are married, one has two twin girls and a beautiful 4 week baby boy, my other sister has one cheeky daughter who is two and is expecting one on the way. As you can see i have a very large family and i love them but having older sisters can be a burden cause i feel like they expect a lot out of me. Having older sisters can be a plus but most of the time i feel outcasted. Since my generation and theres are so far fron each other i dont have much in common with them. I would really like to have older sisters which i could speak to about my life and whats happening but instead i listen to them talk cause I am afraid they wont listen or approve. They all have such wonderful lives no matter what they say and i want that future too but with them in it i still feel pressured to do really good and aspire to do things they couldnt. I feel the pressure of fullfilling their dreams and even though they dont say that my mind simple goes to that. They want me to have a bright fun future but i cant do that if i have nothing figured out and the confusion of what i want. Most of these days i wish i had a sister i could speak with or a close brother, even though i do have older sisters i feel like an outcast and that they are more like my mums. I love my family they are the most important thing in my life, that and friends but I'm not sure of what i want, need and want to do with my life, so when they ask me these questions, i always say 'i dont know' when really i should know. I feel like i am letting everyone down in my life.

Between school, friends, and family i have this issue of boys, I have been to talking to my girfriend and telling her about this one boy i think i may be crushing on but I'm not too sure on my feelings cause he is kinda a bad boy. My friend says we have always had a connection and i can feel that too but I have this feeling he has never had feelings for me. My friends advice was to crush on him but dont fall for him hard cause if i do i will just end up getting hurt which i already know but everyday i have this weird feeling he is staring at me but its probably my imagination. I know I havent fallen for him but whenever i think i have stopped crushing on him he talks to me and im back to the start again. I have known him since the start of high school and he has changed in many ways but so have I. But i can still see his old self still inside him but i have the feeling it wont come out anytime soon. My relationship with him is the teasing type and my friends says she watches us and we have this weird tension when we tease each other and i dont know if i believe her or not. My conclusion today was 'nah never gonna happen so might as well get over it' but in the afternoon there were too many things that gave me second thoughts. His friends talking to me when he was there which i never talk to his friends, him coming in the same carraige as me which again never happens, him trying to tease me (or speak to me) in the carraige and in class but always ending in me ignoring him or moving away from his eye contact or the fact that usually he gets off and walks fast home but was walking is sync with me and my friend, trying to speak to me but i was interested in other things at the time. I have no idea what to think but this is all a typical teenage girls mind which could be playing tricks on herbut i know i could be overthinking it probably am but i created this blog so i could blog my feelings out and i have.

Well this is a typical insight into my life and plenty more surely to come :)