Today, i tried my best to study for my exams but it was a huge challenge and i didnt actually study properly. I am concerned of my future but i keep ignoring it, putting it off cause im scared of who ill be and who ill disappoint.

Enough about my issues with the future. I woke up with these weird red spots on my face and i thought i was having a freak break out but later on my sister explained to me it looked more like a rash and after a while i realised i had a itchy face all day. My face is still blotchy and im hoping tomorrow it will be better and i can study lots tomorrow... not likely but might as well try :)

I watched two romantic movies today, my all time favourite "A Walk To Remember" everytime i watch it i cry and this time same thing. This movie shows me i should appreciate what i have and go out and have fun while i can! And the other fave movie of mine is "The Vow" watching this is the same as A Walk to Remember makes me think of all i have and how i should enjoy it all while i can cause we never know whats around the corner.

I may be young but if something were to happen to me next year, month, week or even tomorrow how will i know i enjoyed my life enough and made the most of it. Right now Im young and have people who care for me and protect me but if i want to live my life they need to know that we dont know whats around the corner and trust me. I am so afraid of the future or whats coming next cause i dont know. They say take a leap of faith and enjoy life but i cant very well do that if im stuck studying. I dont want my last memory being, my stressed head trying to remember all i studied.

I know my real issue and thats i dont want to face the future, i want to go back to those days where all i had to worry about was if mum gave me enough money for an ice-cream for lunch. I know the future is something i shouldnt be scared of but its my worse nightmare! Not knowing whats coming, whats waiting for me. Im not sure if ill be able to cope with leaving school and the protection of school and home. But i want to leave to be spontaneous and experience things and learn new things but im scared.

I wish i could speak to my sisters about this or someone cause right now i would say i need that. If I were to speak to my sisters they would just think of thing logically, plus it would feel like in speaking to a stranger about it. Not sure what to do with life anymore, i want to enjoy the now but i cant with the future all around me.