Update

Today i am gonna update you on my first exam which was today. It was my english exam, which i know i did bad in but i am just happy its over and done with :) Tomorrows exam is maths, the worst subject ever but i would say i hate biology more than math right now. I have come to a decision that i will be dropping biology next year, definitely dropping it!

My main distraction in my english exam today was that someone, some guy which i had forgotten about over the weekend sat next to me in the exam. He could have picked any other seats but he chose the one next to me. He came in last and he was supposed to sit in the back right hand side but he sat next to me in the middle. I have to say yes it was a distraction because i was wondering if he was doing ok and if he studying. I worried about him every so offtent in the exam which is stupid! And even worse was the guy i used to like sat next to me as well.

I thought i could make conversation with him after the exam, ask him how he went and stuff but he just gave me a thumbs up, "like the bad boy he is" (stupid cliche). To me these exams dont really matter, they do matter in a certain way but dont in another way. I want to pass all my exams but i dont want to try either, this is the last exam before my big last year and i want to relax but right now its hard to do that. The future is so close now and im freaking out of how ill come out.

I dont usually tell my family when my exams are cause i dont like them to pressure me or encourage me too much. Words like "i know you can fo well" just adds pressure to my shoulders cause im not very confident in myself. I told my sister when she got home from work so she wouldnt have to drive me that i had an exam and she judged me that i was taking time off and watching a bit of tv instead of studying. To me my parents dont bother me too much but my sister is the one who judges me and pressures me the most. Just because in her day she was a nerd and never had fun while i wanna have fun, relax and enjoy life. I wished she could understand how i feel and i could talk to her and she would give me advice which could actually help me! I love all my sisters but it would be great to have one i could actually talk to and not talk to me as if i were a child.

Biggest wish: Understanding and caring sisters who didnt treat me like a kid but as an equal.