Blogging so far has been a great help to get my emotions and actually talk about all the things happening in my life. Its been like a month since i started blogging and i read back on my previous posts and realised everything again.
I realised why i liked the boy, why i hate my sisters sometimes and most of all why i dont want to grow up! I am scared of everything right now and how everything will turn out when i go back to school. Looking back at old posts i realise why i like the boy and if i go back i probably will fall for him but right now doesnt seem like i will. I am so worried about all my subjects and how things will turn out for my future.
I have school tomorrow and i am worried, because i get my results back from my exam and the boy and etc. Wish i knew what i was doijg with my life instead of just waiting for whats coming next and not having a plan. I am seriously terrified of the future, hsc and whats coming next. Growing up is honestly a terrible thing to think about, i dont want to face the real world i just want to remain in this time and place. Growing up also means growing old and facing all the things i dont want to face and eventually death. But i know everyday i could die, i could turn a corner and car crashes me,i could get bitten by a snake etc. All these terrible images on ways to die, honestly terrifing, but if i knew my future and fate i would probably rather not know cause it could be anything.
I really feel like i need someone, someone there for me to lean on and ask advice and get comfort from. I wish for my sisters to be there for me and to help me and understand what i am going through. Going through this alone honestly hurts, they dont have to go through it with me but if they could understand me and help me through it. I am so scared!! I want them to be here and i want to easily talk to them but i cant.
Honestly sometimes i want him to be here for me to talk to, for me to cuddle with and him to understand me. These are all the things i wish for and everything i want but life isnt easy and i am just asking to be spoon fed. Its wrong for me to think that way! I feel so alone, so sad and alone, i wish for just someone whom can help me! For them to tell me i can do and make it through this life.
Tomorrow i am hoping i can do this, and i am hoping i can make it through the week and term!! Hopefully " I got this!" this has become my new catch phrase. I really hope i can do it tomorrow and not have feelings for this guy and also face my exam results!!
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