The end is near

The end is near is the title of this post and it has nothing to do with the world or my life. The title represents my holiday life, since its my last year of school and i am classified as a year 12 its my last real school holidays. And the holidays are nearly over :( There are a few reasons why i dont want to go back to school.

Firstly its my last year and well its scary thinking i am gonna graduate and not have school in my life anymore. Last year where i have to try hard to get good marks to get into university. I find it pressurable at times to try and i freak out thinking about it too much.

Secondly i dont want to see the boy, i dont want to see his face and have my feeling come back. I aint to sure if it wont happen cause its happened before. When i went paintball i was expecting to see him but i didnt see him and was slightly disapointed but mostly was happy. Because otherwise it would distract me.

I have been sleeping at my cousins and it has been fun. But i felt so guilty in the morning of paintball because i missed my train and my poor aunty had to drive me to the place where we were meant to meet. My guilt was eating me up all day it was terrible. But later at night i had a little to drink for the first time and i realised i get red in the face and was sleepy quickly, probably cause it was wine not like shots and stuff.

I am definitely not looking forward to school because i feel like i just started my life and it ends now. As in my social life and friends and well partying. Honestly you dont have a teenage life without experiencing these things.