On the road to recovery

I have some time to think and i am taking the steps to moving on with my life. First step was actually admitting to myself and a few friends that I actually like him! And now i just need to be comfortable with this and move on. Even though he is in half of my classes i just need to deal with it and face that nothing will ever happen between us!!

My next steps is getting on with my life and thinking of me. Think of my future and work out my plan for it.

But i have realised i feel really really alone! I have no one to speak to of how i am dealing with stuff and how sad i feel all the time. I feel like i am just dragging my friends lives down with my problems when i really have nothing figured out. I feel like there is nothing left for me out there in the world, just me and my sad depression. I dont know what to do and how to feel cause i am so confused.

Tonight i have realised that i have so many issues with being alone. I just want someone else to speak with and talk to cause right now i feel really lonely. I want someone there to listen to me and tell me things are fine and love me. In english the topic is belonging and i have realised i have always felt alone. I feel empty inside when no one is there for me or for me to be. I nearly cry myself to sleep every night knowing im alone. I have no idea why im like this cause im being stupid and other people have real problems!!

Even with all this i am recovering and been feeling kinda better about things but i still feel so stressed. I really want someonethere for me, for me to speak to and communicate with! I am keeping my self distracted but it doesnt seem to make me feel better. I know i am close with Jiji and this year we seemed to have grown closer but rn i feel like someone in her life whose annoying her. She has problems on her own and i talk about mine?! Now thats being selfish and stupid!! In my eyes i am damaged and only care about my self centered self.

But this is the one place where i can speak truthfully and let out what i know about myself. I am just realise my future and how to move of with my life while being alone.