Memories

I keep thinking of the guy whom i seem to be hung up on still. But all i think are about are the good memories of him even though i know thats all they are memories! All these memories doesnt mean it he will suddenly change tomorrow and become a nice guy. All i see in these memories are the good parts! All these memories make me think he hasnt changed he is still the same but i am wrong! I want to think i can change him and he can go back to who he was but its not gonna happen for me! That stuff only happens in movie! I keep thinking its all an act and he is actually a really nice guy but i know its not. Deep deep inside my heart i know he hadnt changed that much but the rest of my heart right now knows he had!

Today i read back on my previous posts on my blog and reading them, i know i am finally over him! The only reason i bring him up and think i like him is because i feel lonely and just want someone else to tell me everything will be ok. Now i know though that staying in the past wont help me grow and become a better person and become who i truely am!

Even though i know i shouldnt stay in the past, today i have been thinking of memories. And all the memories i have are sweet. Like the memory of meeting Jiji, even though i thought we were so different and that our personalities didnt match and she was a pretty strong character. I got to know her and i realised a bit of who i am and she brought out that part and made me feel comfortable with who i am. Which is loud and more like her than i thought. I used to be loud to get attention and friends but now i realise i am loud and stuff because i like to be. Learning about myself and who i am and trying to figure that out was all thanx to Jiji and i owe her deeply!

I know the staying in the past is bad but learning from it and thinking back on it isnt... right?! I have been thinking of things and doing things for myself and i am taking it serious to find out who i really am! Even though i have alot coming up in the next week, tomorrow is my relax day! I am hoping i can live through the next week and survive! But i am so happy because on sunday i am going to be able to hang out with Jiji! I havent seen her in so long but even though we talk to each other everyday i feel so distant cause our texts are blant.

I hope i accomplish something this holidays and learn to think of me and only me for a while and be confident enough to know i dont need a man in my life! That i can stand on my own two feet! Even though staying in the past is not the answer, looking back on it and seeing how i have grown and matured helps find the answer :)