Ok i am posting one more today because i am a little sad and disapointed in my friends and just everyone at this moment. Honestly when i walk into a room i feel like an instant outsider! In english we are learning about belonging and all i know is that i dont belong anymore to anyone or group of people! Im just always there cause i try to belong!
I am so freakin depressed and sad because i am in no classes with any of my old friends and in most of my classes i am a big fat loner!! And its sad to think none of my friends realise! I always go up to them instead of my classmates and they dont realise that i want to be with them and be left out!
Everytime i think about it, it brigs tears to my eyes and anger! NO UNDERSTANDS HOW ALONE I FEEL!! I feel alone in my own house and family and every where i go i feel alone!! My worst nightmare isnt sharks! Its being alone, for the rest of my life and just having no one! At these times i cry and let it out but it makes me feel even worse cause im alone in all of this and have to deal with every little shit by my fucking self!
My problem is even though i have all these feelings i can never tell people how i feel! I want them to feel better not me! When im at home and feeling alone i curl up into a little ball and hide under my blankets and just sit still. I know i have issues, especially with feeling alone!
My whole life i have felt alone! When i was born it was like i was born in a different era and completely isolated from the world and the others. My sisters dont consider me as there sister even though they say they do instead i feel like a distant daughter who is completely insane! My sisters were talking about me and my birth and how i grew up and they remember all this cause they practically raised me but im sick of it! IM SICK OF FEELING LKE THIS! FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER! LIKE IM NOT MEANT TO BE HERE!!!!
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