Wake up call

I have had a wake up call and realised this past week that i honestly certifiably crazy. The boy whom i like, i shall reveal his name cause its stupid to keep sayig the boy, is Nikola and yes i thought that was a girls name at first too.

Lately i havent actually gona crazy over him or swooned over him but more like few glances kinda thing. But today Jiji whos real name is Jessica, explained to me a situation she had with him. She explained that she finally realised how buff he looks and as soon as she said it i couldnt stop thinking about it! He was playing sport today and all i have to say is DAMN SON!!

I have this weird feeling like he wants to speak to me but doesnt but after all its just a feeling. He is hot, bad boy, sweet boy, and just Cute boy sometimes but right now i feel like i cant be bothered anymore.

Recently i have been feeling lonely and sick and sorry for myself (i seriously am selfish!) I keep thinking about Nikola and my family and friends and school and how i feel alone while real people out there are dealing with bigger stuff! But to sooth myself and live a life more exciting and fun and full of energy is through my books. I have taken up reading again and it has honestly been the best! Its the one place where i can escape and become the character in the book and be interesting than the dull, selfish, lonely person i am on the outside.

Reading keeps me from thinking about everything in my life, in detail. Its my safe place, inside my head, where i can be whom i want!

I know im lost and confused and plain dumb but i cant escape this world anymore. I used to be able to forget it cause i was always preoccuppied but now it seems like everything is getting to me! But book are my saviour and my life at this moment in time! Chao now :P